Short Skirt, Long Coat: Showing your true self

Listening to Blogtalk radio last week, I caught a show that started out being about former U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner but ended up being about how men really feel about women who are sexually free yet want to get married one day. Ladies, there are limits to freedom.

Upfront and Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie--who is also the examiner.com Hollywood Men's Dating Advice columnist--hosted a three-hour, open-forum show about sex in its various forms and women who are “erotic hypocrites.”

Currie explained that an erotic hypocrite is a woman who seeks marriage, a man of status but behind closed doors will get down with a dirty bad boy just for sex. The overall point being is that there should be transparency in sexuality (I guess so members of the opposite sex won’t have to work so hard to get to it.)

One of Currie’s guests, about 75 minutes in, was Jason “Six-nine” Barnes who is a film producer and host of his own Blogtalk show, “No Cut Cards”. He said he wishes that women come out and be honest with men when they only want sex. He said when he is honest with women about just wanting sex, 50 percent of the women he propositions agree to a sex-only tryst.

After all, was said and done, the men who participated in the open forum show expressed in their comments, that they wanted a woman who acted the role of a wife in their lives. Whenever they would describe a favorable relationship situation, it involved good and hot sex and a home-cooked meal. They did not express that they would marry a woman who was sexually free with multiple men or who was sexually adventurous--even if they were good cooks.

Hmmm. Sounds like a double standard because it is. Barnes said women need men but men don't really need women-- except for sex.

Currie wondered aloud why a woman would even care if he thought of her as a slut after sex but later determined that a woman who still wants a shot at marriage, cares about her reputation--just like in high school. He said women in the pornography industry and women who did not place marriage as a priority in their lives, really didn't care what others thought of them and thus felt sexually free. In other words, they don't expect to become wives and are not interested in marriage.

Currie said many of his sexually active evenings would begin with the woman issuing a laundry list of dos and do not, and end with the list being tossed aside for sex. One of the do-nots was sex--oral or otherwise--on the first date.
The consensus was that for women, getting to know a man through sexual activity was not good but in order to hold the man's interest, sex was allowed. Therefore, a man you are trying to get to know but do not know well, cannot handle your freaky side. If you are perceived as a sexually free woman by your peer group or community, guys will not respect you especially if he is on the cusp about whether or not he likes you anyway. In other words, he is looking for an out or a deal breaker--don't give him one.

It is also the consensus that a man will have sex with you but not keep you around and won't consider you wife material if he determines that you are not a virtuous woman.

“Most men do not want to be at the party with their new girlfriend and get looks from dudes in the room (that imply they all have had sex, kinky or otherwise, with her)," Currie said. It is for this reason a woman should be open with her sexual past--so that men aren’t embarrassed to be with you, to love you or to marry you or otherwise.

Men want honesty in the relationship to save face. Hmmmm. Whatever dudes. Good luck with that one because it is for this reason people lie and hide things about themselves. They want to remain viable candidates for sex, love, and marriage, even if it is through deceptive means.

Listening to the show, I heard a lot of pain and past hurts in the voices of the men. They discussed never leaving the friend zone, not having the woman return sexual feelings without lots of prodding, and spending lots of non-sexual time with the woman--all negatives in some men’s eyes. I suspect these women wanted an ace-in-the-hole while they chased after men of high status, men who they felt could help their career somehow or men who may actually marry them--like a baby‘s daddy.

What causes duplicity in sex and relationships was debated but went unanswered on the show.
However, its cause is a simple lack of respect and trust for your partner. We should not be sleeping with those who we do not trust or respect. Nor should we play doctor with them.

Who wants to keep it real about showing naked body parts on the Internet and risk being called a pervert? No one. However, the guests on the show concur that lying about sexual attitudes and morals is not a power move.

Other men’s secrets revealed on the show are: men lie to get sex, a man will forget or not even know a woman's name and still have sex with her, a man will get angry if all the other men got it easy and the object of their desire decides to clean it up after meeting him, men don’t want to be your friend if they can be your sex partner, men like sex with a new sex partner better--if they can get away with it and good girls don’t get any attention because men think they won‘t have sex with them, so why bother.

Notable quotes:
“We’re still going to have sex with the freaks but as far as keeping them around, no--because no man wants to turn a whore into a housewife.” Jason E. Barnes.

“No man wants to date a woman who can be easily or quickly seduced by another man…you want someone who is loyal.” Alan Roger Currie.